survivormom's Blog

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental
> Hospital.
>
> Please select from the following options :
>
> If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
>
> If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press
> 2 for you.
>
> If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5
> and 6.
>
> If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what
> you want, stay on
> the line so we can trace your call.
>
> If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be
> forwarded to the
> Mother Ship.
>
> If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a
> little voice will tell
> you which number to press.
>
> If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which
> number you press,
> nothing will make you happy an yway.
>
> If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
>
> If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the
> beep or before the
> beep or after the beep.
> Please wait for the beep.
>
> If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
> If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
> If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>
> If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our
> operators are too busy
> to talk with you.
>
> If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up,
> turn on the fan, lie
> down and cry.
> You won't be crazy forever.
>
> If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll
> just mess it up.
>
> This coming week is National Mental Health Care
> week. You can do your
> part
> by remembering to contact at least one unstable
> person to show you care.