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by dprin339 from Wherever I am

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Worry
Nov 27, 2008 | 5:08 PM
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My wonderful mother gave this to me today.

Is there a magic cutoff period when offspring become accountable for their own actions? Is there a wonderful moment when parents can become detached spectators in the lives of their children and shrug, "It's their life" and feel nothing?

When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital corridor waiting for doctors to put a few stitches in my son's head. I asked, "When do you stop worrying?" The nurse said, "When they get out of the accident stage." My mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.

When  I was in my thirties, I sat on a little chair in a class room and heard how one of my children talked incessantly, disrupted the class, and was headed for a career making license plates. As if to read mind, a teacher said, "Don't worry, they all go through this stage and then you can sit back, relax and enjoy them." My mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.

When I was in forties, I spent a life time waiting for the phone to ring, the cars to come home, the front door to open. A friend said, "They're trying to find themselves. Don't worry, in a few years, you can stop worrying. They'll be adults." My mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.

By the time I was 50, I was sick & tired of being vulnerable. I was still worrying over my children, but there was a new wrinkle?. There was nothing I could do about it. My mother just smiled faintly and said nothing. I continued to anguish over their failures, be tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in their disappointments. My friends said that when my kids go married I could stop worrying and lead my own life.

I wanted to believe that, but I was haunted by my mother's warm smile and her occasional, "You look pale, Are you alright?" Call me the minute you get home. Are you depressed about something?"

Can it be that parents are sentenced to a lifetime of worry? Is concern for one another handed down like a torch to blaze the traile of human frailties and the fears of the un known? Is concern a curse or is it a virtue that elevates us to the highest form of life?

One of my children became irritable recently, saying to me, "Where were you? I've been calling 3 days and no one answered. I was worried." 

I smiled a warm smile. The torch has been passed.


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Member Comments Total Comments: 17
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CAKhomelodge read my blog view my photos
Nov 28, 2008 | 1:14 PM

awh I miss my mom- but ya know dprin " once a mother ...always a mother" it is a gift that doesn't end. Isn't God grand.
superbrowns read my blog view my photos
Nov 29, 2008 | 11:41 AM

This is why I can't understand how someone could abort or even give up their child, do they still worry??? do they wonder what would of happened if they would have kept them???
I have a half brother I never met, and I don't know the reason my mother gave him up, I heard stories but until my mother tells me, I will never know what happened.
Does she still worry about him??? does she miss him????
As a father I don't know how I would feel if I gave up any of our kids, I do know mothers have a specal bond with their childern that they give birth to.
I do know that I will never quit worrying about my kids, no matter how old they are....
CAKhomelodge read my blog view my photos
Nov 29, 2008 | 6:28 PM

I agree with you super...even if you don't keep them & raise them you never forget them.... something will always bring them to mind
girlscout read my blog view my photos
Dec 1, 2008 | 10:09 AM

You never stop worrying about your kids, no matter how old they are!
And it's true, the torch passes. I recently had a similar experience where my daughter couldn't get a hold of me for 2 days. She told me that she was so worried that something had happened! Ahhh - Now they know how us parents feel all the time!
Redwolf read my blog view my photos
Dec 1, 2008 | 10:55 AM

Lucky you.

My mom died last June, and my father 12/30/01
lostinohio read my blog view my photos
Dec 1, 2008 | 3:46 PM

awww dprin that was so sweet,and as my mother said "i will never stop worrying about u and ur brother" and we are both in our fortyies,been married divorced and have children of our own, so i guess the answers is "u will never stop" i have this to look foward too cuz my kids are only 16 and ten
jigsgirl read my blog view my photos
Dec 3, 2008 | 9:26 AM

super....the greatest gift some parents can give their kids is to give them up, I can say this because I was adopted and I fortunatly the people who adopted me are/where amazing! I have no idea how different my life may have been if she decided to keep me. I do wonder sometimes if she thinks about me and misses me but I believe that she did the right thing, she gave me the opportunity to have a better life and I believe that I did. Adoption is a great sacrafice for some, I could never fault someone for wanting their child to have a better life. I may be the exception because I have never wanted to meet her, I don't know if she has married and had more children and never told anyone about me and I am not going to be the one to possibly ruin her life, plus as far as I'm concerned my parents are mine! I may not have their blood in my veins but the emotional connection we share is much stronger than any dna could ever be. I am a very blessed woman and thank God for it everyday.

The worry does go both ways, it will be 11 years, Jan. 10th since my mother went to be with God so all I have is my father and I am very protective of him. He has MS so when he doesn't answer his phone or tell me when he goes out, he hears my mouth...I am terrified of losing him to so I worry about him as much as I worry about my children. The worry never ends though, but that is a part of loving someone so deeply.
lostinohio read my blog view my photos
Dec 4, 2008 | 12:01 PM

jigs,svs to hear about ur mom,and yes of course u r protective over your father,i have a very good friend,who's parnets are up in age, his father had a stroke,his mother well she is in her eithties, broke her hip,is starting with deminta,and he stopped working to stay home and take care of them,
lostinohio read my blog view my photos
Dec 4, 2008 | 12:05 PM

now he is fifty,and he works for his brother(use to be his dad's company but i have talked to him anout maybe being time to find a place where they have twenty four hr care,even though he is doing a great job, he does have his own house and life,i worry so much about him,and what this is doing to him,but i also know what it will do to him to lose his parnets,he said the doctor suggested both of them be placed together,because they have been married over 62 yrs,being apart would surely hurt them rather then help
lostinohio read my blog view my photos
Dec 4, 2008 | 12:08 PM

so that goes to show u that even when your children are adults they still worry and do anything to protect their parnets,i just pray to up above that god gives him the strength to do what has to be done,eventully,because i am just worried that this is goin to end up "killing" my special friend,and that i could not bear to live with,ps i feel so helpless at times when we talk,cuz his parnets are great,
lostinohio read my blog view my photos
Dec 4, 2008 | 12:09 PM

so sorry for going on and on like that,
jigsgirl read my blog view my photos
Dec 4, 2008 | 12:22 PM

don't apologize lost, you have every right to to be concerned, that shows how much you really care. I'm sorry to hear about that but I am glad they were placed together cause more often than not when a couple is together for that long, when they are seperated for whatever reason, they soon lose the battle as well. I envy people like that, that make it that long. It is a beautiful thing.
lostinohio read my blog view my photos
Dec 8, 2008 | 7:32 PM

thank you for that jigs,that is extactly what the doctor has told the their chirldren,so they have been looking at places,u are so very rite about losing their will,i have a co worker,her brother and his wife were in a very serious motorcycle acciendent awhile ago, the doctors noticed that separte they werent doing as well as they hoped,so they put them in the same room,and just like that they improved over nite,their outlook was different,so that just shows you love is very powerful
jigsgirl read my blog view my photos
Dec 9, 2008 | 8:48 AM

TRUE love is very powerful, that is the love that God has given 2 people. I see it everyday in my dad, my parents were the firsts of everything for each other and since she passed he's not the same. It's almost 11 years and he's still depressed especially around this time of the year because her birthday would have been November 29th and then the holidays which were my mom's favorite time of the year. Even if we didn't have much, we always had each other and we spent time together. It's hard and I get frustrated with him but at the same time I understand and hope that he finds a way to continue living his life. That's the kind of love you don't see in young people anymore, they don't give God time to send that love to them so they miss out.
lostinohio read my blog view my photos
Dec 9, 2008 | 2:03 PM

yes i seen it with my granparnets,and you are rite true love is powerful,but sometimes when you are truly in love things happen that seperate you, see this man im talking about going thourgh this hard time is one i have been in a reltioship with and we are still good friends, but i truly believe that he was/is my one true love,i was totally and completley in love with him, but it just wasnt in the cards for us,he just didnt want to be commited,he wanted a marriage like his mom and dad has,(we met eight years ago)he didnt want to end up in a divorce like his brother,i tried tellin him that that would not always happen but i guess i failed,seeing how im not with him,but i thank god he is still a very big part of my life,
jigsgirl read my blog view my photos
Dec 9, 2008 | 2:08 PM

I'm sorry that things didn't work out the way you would have liked but maybe is was for the best that you didn't take the relationship any further and you just remained good friends. Sometimes that's just a blessing in itself. Don't think of it as though YOU failed, look at it as he's missing out!! lol
jigsgirl read my blog view my photos
Dec 9, 2008 | 2:08 PM

I'm sorry that things didn't work out the way you would have liked but maybe is was for the best that you didn't take the relationship any further and you just remained good friends. Sometimes that's just a blessing in itself. Don't think of it as though YOU failed, look at it as he's missing out!! lol
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dprin339

Princess Warrior.......who needs a helmet?..............My mission is to annoy as many liberals as I can each day! .....(except for GirlScout, my FAVORITE liberal!)

Member Since: 6/28/2007


 

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