Pablo_Kielbasa's Mombasa

Some Really Cool Moments In Sci-Fi Cinema History


Here are some classic screen shots from sci-fi cinema that burned their way into our imagination, neurons and wallets. Enjoy!

Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980): Who can possibly forget the climactic 'behanding' of Luke Skywalker, by his own father, Darth Vader? Fortunately, light saber wounds cauterize by their very nature, and no blood was lost, except bad family blood. Nothing like finding out Darth Vader is your father and having him cut your hand off on the same day. Poor Luke. How much can a young Jedi take?

The Terminator (1984): Remember when The Terminator tracked down Sarah Conner to a police station, coining that ubiquitous household phrase of the 80's and beyond, "I'll be back?". Of course you do.

Alien (1979): Dinner was never the same after Kane (John Hurt) haplessly became a living incubus for an alien chest burster in this classic sci-fi shocker moment. Perhaps just as strong a memory is how fast the scrappy little alien ran off the scene after growling at the ship's crew like a whacked-out Jack Russell Terrier. Toasty!

Back to the Future (1985): Quick! What happens when a Delorean equipped with a Flux Capacitor is juiced up to 1.21 gigawatts and sped up to 88 mph? Back to the Future, that's what! This awesome twin tire flame scene is symbolic of the films premise of cause and effect while shuttling between 2 temporal frames. A real keeper.

Star Trek TV series (1966): I'll confess I don't remember the exact details of this scene, but it has 2 classic elements in it: A shirt-less Sulu is hepped up on some type of toxin, and is chasing crew members around with a dueling sword, finally to be subdued by Spock's famous "Vulcan neck pinch". How many generations of school kids grew up with bruised collar bones trying to render each other unconscious cannot be calculated in a bold attempt to go where no kid has gone before.

Planet of the Apes (1968): The heart stopping climax to the original 'Planet of the Apes' saw missing astronaut Taylor (Charlton Heston) in insane contortions of fury, raging "You blew it up! Damn you! God damn you all to hell!". Doomsday themes were common back in the Cold War era, but this classic indelible finale by Heston just may overshadow, and summarize them all.

Forbidden Planet (1956): This terrifying example of early Hollywood animation is Dr. Edward Morbius's (Walter Pidgeon) "Id Beast", a manifestation of his inner rage projected into reality through a sprawling super computer built by an extinct race of aliens called the Krell. Just as memorable is the final few minutes of the movie when the Krell-enhanced physical manifestation of Morbius' id melts through several layers of impenetrable doors, only stopped by Morbius's own realization that the beast is his own Freudian spawn. *phew*

Spaceballs (1987): The plot? Planet Spaceball's President Scroob sends Lord Dark Helmet to steal Planet Druidia's abundant supply of air to replenish their own, and only Lone Starr can stop them. The above character? The lovable prehensile-eared Barf, played by the equally loveable John Candy. One of Mel Brook's timeless comedy classics (Mel both wrote, directed and starred in the film). Spaceballs is a very funny Star Wars spoof certainly worthy of mention. May the schwartz be with you!

Flesh Gordon (1974): A parody of the serial 'Flash Gordon' (1936) with a strong sexual campy flavor. The above scene shows Dr. Flexi Jerkoff (Joseph Hudgins) brandishing his mighty "power pasties" in an effort to save earth from the evil Dr. Wang and his insidious Sex Ray. A drive in favorite of the 70's, Flesh Gordon is just as bawdy and haughty today, although many of the scenes are only funny if you've seen the original. Quite outrageous!

Fergie, mostly hot

Fergie, missing a vital chromosome, white girls can't dance, chunkalicious hot.

Fergie, or a cabbage patch doll with a smooshed face hot?

Ahhh.. ahhh..unsure

MAUGGH!! MY EYES! I'M BLIND!!!

From whence did Star Wars came? From the fertile imagination of George Lucas alone, or something much more? And if so, what artistic forces influenced George Lucas in the first place? Each one of us, from our earliest childhood, is exposed to folklore and fabulous tales of heroic fiction, from within our families founding culture, and from media in movie theaters, television and beyond. Here are some possible creative sources for George's Star Wars sagas, some obvious, others a bit more subtle and obscure.

The Seven Samurai and the Jedi Knighthood: The 1954 Japanese celluloid classic, The Seven Samurai is widely regarded by many Sci-Fi cinema scholars as Lucas's foundation artistic influence in writing the Star Wars trilogy. The overall plot certainly appears similar to Star Wars. Substitute Jedi for Samurai, The Empire for armed bandits, and swords for light sabers, and you have an intriguing, if not rather suspicious, dead-on match.

Jawas, Sand People, and Bangladesh ship breaking yards: The compelling, highly panoramic contrast of tiny Jawas in their towering Land Crawler against vast tracts of desolate desert sand on the planet Tatooine is eerily reminiscent of huddled, shadowy Bangladeshis breaking apart beached freighters on the Chittagong Sea beach in this picture from "Breaking Ships" a riveting photo essay by Roland Buerk. Ship breaking in the region started automatically when a 20,000 tonne vessel was driven ashore by a devastating tidal bore in 1965. That was the first ship scrapped, giving Lucas ample time to make an artistic connection.



Furthermore, comparing the berobed, wild-eyed appearance of Bangladeshi ship breakers to the equally menacing and unpredictable Sand People is no daunting stretch of the imagination as well.

X-Wings, Red Leaders and Barnes Wallis Bouncing Bombs: The indelible Grand Finale in the original Star Wars movie, the attack on the Death Star, is hauntingly similar to Great Britain's attack on 6 German Dams in World War II, as described in the 1954 black and white movie The Dam Busters. Brilliant British engineer Barnes Wallis's unique "Bouncing Bombs" were successfully deployed using the Avro Lancasters of No. 617 Squadron RAF in Operation Chastise on the night(s) of May 16-17, 1943.



The trench battle in the Star Wars movie is an almost exact duplicate of one of these bouncing bomb attacks. The valleys surrounding the Nazi dams were almost impossibly narrow and inaccessible, not to mention bristling with gun towers, just like the Death Star's. In addition, it was dark, the gun towers on the dam were firing tracers, and they even lined up for their bombing runs by using a guidance device constructed of 2 pegs mounted several inches apart on a slingshot sized wooden handle. When the pegs lined up with the dam's gun towers, the bomb was to be dropped, same as the ubiquitous computer guided canal attack on the Death Star's oddly vulnerable exhaust port. Even the battle audio sounds remarkably the same, complete with "You're next, Red Leader! Where's Blue Leader? (sound of explosion) He's gone!" Had the young Lucas watched The Dam Busters and incorporated it into his own celestial battle trilogy 20 years later?



Icy Mimas and the Death Star: *Ahem* A close up photo of Saturn's icy moon Mimas wasn't acquired until 1980 by the Voyager spacecraft, long after the original Star Wars, but who can deny the casual resemblance? A mere coincidence? Or is the desolate, distant Saturnian moon a reminder that Man's imagination is as real and tangible as matter and space itself? Probably not, but The Force, it would seem, just may still be out on that one. 

For those who have never tried German Eiswein (or Ice Wine), a bit of culinary trivia is in order. Eiswein is a late season harvest white grape that is left on the vine until snow falls. The added cold temperatures trick the grapes into creating a high sugar content, and alchemize a dizzying array of luscious, complex flavors.

Sweet Eiswein is expensive, and worth it. The best Eisweins come out of Germany and France, although California produces some notable contention. The price? Expect to pay about 25 dollars for 325 milliliters, or about 4 glasses worth. Expensive but easily worth it for late season harvest affecianados.

Eiswein grapes on vine with snow, California

Bit of false nostalgia on my part, folks, but do you remember then, ala Larry Chance and the Earls style? The 1950's, devoid of gangstas and computers generated effects in those good oldies were truly joyful and pure, a lost generation in musica americana. Doo-Wop-Wop style!!

Re-mem-mem, re-mem-mem-mem-ber oop-shoop
Re-mem-mem, re-mem-mem-mem-ber oop-shoop
Re-mem-mem, re-mem-mem-mem-ber oop-shoop then
Then , remember then

(mixture) Backups continue with intro while lead sings a series of "whoa oh-oh's
and a "Remember then"

That night we fell in love
Beneath the stars above
That was a lovely summer night
(pyramid) Remember then, then, then, then, then

(mixture again)

Summer's over
Our love is over
To lose that love was such a sin
(pyramid) Remember then, then, then, then, then

(backups) Remember, re-mem-mem, mem-mem-mem-mem-ber
(lead) Our love is in the past
(backups) patta-past
(lead) Oh, has it gone so fast
(backups) patta-past
(lead) Why couldn't our love last?
(backups) Can't last
(backups) Wop, wop, patta patta pop-pop, shoo-wop-dah bop bop, ooh

I'm broken-hearted now
Since we have parted now
My mind wanders now and then
(pyramid) Remember then, then, then, then, then

(backups) Re-mem-mem, re-mem-mem-mem-ber
(mixture again)

(new mixture) Backups sing several "oop shoop, shang-a lang, jigga bop's" and
the lead does "ahh-ooh-ooh" and other falsetto variations.

FADE

Uh, excuse me..

What else is new? The entertainment business has long dealt out attention grabbing headlines and promo pics since the Vaudeville days, but has Hollywood gone mad? I've switched on Fox 8's "Law and Order" twice, (twice), and the first time the opening line was "The guy ejaculated on her thigh" while mulling over a female corpse, and the second "There's blood stains on his anus and semen on his mouth" the second.

Uhhh...uhhhh...

No need for a third, thanks... 

Uhhh...uhhh...okay...

"It's all right, son. It was horse hockey from season 3 on, anyway! "

 CRAB APPLE COVE, ME - Crab Apple Cove resident Harry S. Miller recently became the "first direct casualty of excessive M*A*S*H TV serial reruns" according to his distraught wife Clara.

"I-It finally got Harry! M*A*S*H finally got my dear Harry! Every time a baseball game rained out, or a football game didn't fit the stations time slot, or just anytime period, they kept playing M*A*S*H reruns over and over and over! *SOB!* He kept saying if he saw that episode with Hawkeye trying to get those damn Adam's Ribs again, it would kill him, and it did by God, it did!

Indeed, it was the Adam's Rib episode that was listed as official cause of death on the coroners report, along with the episode where Frank Burns tries selling garbage to the locals leading to the inevitable "Frank Burns eats worms", or the half dozen or so episodes with either Colonel Flagg or Sidney Friedman in them, at least one including both.

"We've been seeing it a lot, lately." professionally pondered ER physician Dr. Sonjay Gupta "M*A*S*H reruns are not alone in their deleterious effects on one's health. 'Taxi', 'COPS' and 'The Simpsons' reruns can be almost as deadly, as viewers know the story line, and what is coming around the corner at every turn. For some reason, knowing a story line in advance can lead to elevated blood pressure, and chronic cardiovascular disease. My advice is to avoid reruns. If you see Hawkeye and Trapper John trying to accost a seemingly none-too-interested nurse one more time, head for the hills, literally, so to speak. I mean, grab your shoes and head for the hills!"

The M*A*S*H Syndrome, as it has become known, seems to affect older viewers, not only because of their weakened vascular system, but the compounding affect of seeing more and more reruns accumulatively, year after year. The human mind always seems to look for "fresh" stimuli to be satiated, it would seem, and regurgitating old information causes dissatisfaction and stress. This is certainly an evolutionary advantage that has benefitted the human species for countless millenia; those with a need to know were more likely to survive and propagate. Futhermore, those who got tired with the same mate were more likely to go out and seek new recipients for their DNA. Being bored with one's mate merely indicates the need to diversify."

Gupta idly flipped through a few channels on his office DVD player, and pondered piously

"I suppose there are a few people who actually like seeing reruns all the time, but I would guess them to be a minority. My guess is reruns are nostalgic, and offer warmth and reassurance in some form to some, but it is probably best to remember that Alan Alda is in his 60's now, as is a good part of the remaining cast is as well, and some have even passed away. It is a strange, sad phenomena indeed."

Gupta suggests mixing up reruns with new material, both on television and off, but cautions that "NASCAR may be the same as excessive reruns for many. Seeing a bunch of cars circle in a left hand turn for 500 laps over 8 hours is indeed the ultimate rerun of reruns."

As promised, in a previous post, I sent an e-mail to Mad Magazine asking why Mad TV is so unlike the magazine, and so unfunny, I recieved an e-mail from Mad Magazine, that read:

"We [Mad Magazine] currently have nothing to do with MAD TV"

Well, isn't that special?

Mad Magazine has been a powerful, formative social/satirical force for 5 decades, and MAD TV is currently stealing credibility and persona from their efforts. Keep in mind that when you watch MAD TV you are NOT watching the creative product of Mad Magazine any longer. It has been fobbed out to a bunch of race baiting amatures with their own hate filled agenda.

Quite simply,  MAD TV has been broadcasting under the presumed affiliation with Mad Magazine, which is false. I will be doing some more digging, and I intend to focus on Quincy Jones, the MAD TV producer, and who is a virulent race baiter, and will report in later. Out! 

I sent this open email to the publishers of Mad Magazine regarding the deplorable state of the Fox "comedy" series, MAD TV. When I recieve a reply, I will amend this post.

 Dear Mad Magazine Editorial Staff:  

 What me worry? Err...yes, me very worried.  

 I have been a fan of Mad Magazine since the 1970's, and remain so today. It would be perfectly accurate to proclaim that Mad Magazine played an important role in my formative years, not only as a source of comic relief, but also in revealing the follies and foibles of the human condition as well.  

 Ahh, the Bill Gaines years.

 Martin, Aragones, Berg, Jafee, the best and brightest visual satirists on the mass consumption paper-flop media market. When MAD TV made its debut over a decade ago, I expected more of the hilarious same.  It started out great, but then...What happened?

 MAD TV has absolutely none of the finely honed wit and keen sense of irony that the original Mad Magazine had. Who is charge of MAD TV? Who is the liason between the show and the publication that is supposed to ensure a quality product befitting of the MAD logo? Does a liason even exist?  

  Frankly, MAD TV sucks.

 It is simply not funny, vulgar and edgy, racially inflammatory, and especially simply un-funny. Something needs to be fixed here.  

  It is my recommendation that MAD TV be totally dismantled and reinvented, the entire production and acting staff fired, and the original time-tested core attributes of the original Mad Magazine under the glorious Gaines years be reinstated once.more. In its current format, MAD TV does not work, and is a travesty to what Mad Magazine has meant, and continues to mean, to the eager eyed youth of America.

  Sincerely, A really mad, Mad fan

 cc: info@madtv.com, askmad@madmagazine.com, askfox@foxinc.com

Why has TV foresaken thee, Alfred E?! 

There used to be a time when music was designed to make you feel good.

There really was. Although the Beach Boys were technically before my time, this being a bit of false nostalgia on my part,  the airy, ocean-breezy sound they created and perfected was one of feel-good optimism and the guiltless exhuberance of youth, was theirs and theirs alone, and is still  fresh as summer rain today.

Beautiful melodies, unforgettable harmonies.

And just what does "music" bring us today? Hip-Hop brings us crime, drugs, STD's and death, and where has Rock gone, I mean real Rock?

What America needs is a resurgence of that old 60's beach guitar sound. Bring back that beachy Cali sound now!

Cletus DelRoy: Hollywood's New Negro

Did any of you watch the Simpson's tonight?

The entire half hour episode was a pejorative slam on Southern people. The Simpson's is never one to shy away from hillbilly bashing, as evidenced by their "Cletus, the slack jawed yokel" character, but I'd never seen an episode so dedicated to denigrating an entire segment of American society as this one was.

Imagine if they did the same thing to blacks, Hispanics or Asians? Feathers, and heads would fly, indeed.

If nothing else, typecasting any segment of society is literally in the hands of Hollywood, as Hollywood has that kind of power, to be sure, and at least for now, Southerners are taking it on the chin.

It's not clear why Southerners have become Hollywood's new goat (it was blacks in the 80's, for those of us old enough to remember), but I'm sure that it has something to do with slavery and segregation. It seems to be an implied part of the human condition to justify kicking those that have kicked others, although no living Southerner has ever owned a slave or likely practiced any unusual brand of racism in their lives.