CAKhomelodge's Blog

The Things Time Takes

Time... it is ever present. That old saying " we are promised only the moment' when studied closely in these terms, it carries alot of weight of truth... and a warning... time has a meaning which is several : A period of time considered as a resource under your control and sufficient to accomplish something; The continuum of experience in which events pass from the future through the present to the past; it is also a verb...we put our lives and events on a clock called time and calendar, yet the saying goes " time waits for no man"? its an odd thing ..time is... a man in prison , all he has is time...to reflect.. to mend his ways..repent...to wait to die?

as I write this my heart is heavy, and I am missing loved ones some who have died and some who are just away.................

it seems only in the distant past I had a family. A dad, a mother who I adored, brothers who were altogether a torment, a joy, and a friend, sisters who I loved and looked up to... oh yes we had our fights and arguments and jealousies...esp when the older sister had more rights than we did. but I loved them ...they were mine for a time...There were three brothers and three sisters, however mother lost a new born baby boy before jerry was born, then she lost a set of twins before me & my twin were born. time can come and take by force the things we don't want to give up. my mom loved having her babies...time stole some of her joy and loves. How cruel the time was to her at the point to take away her babies before she got to know them...but she knows them now in heaven...for time came and took my mother...time has come and gone so quickly ...it has changed the course of my world and brought me to my knees in tears so often...it has come and stole away the loves of my heart and my dearest treasures which are these ; my brother Jerry on Christmas day Dec. 25 1981 @3am- has it really been 27 years? Time...time...at one moment it can stop your world due to a tragic event you didn't expect, or it can slip away quietly without a whisper and you only realize it when you exclaim " oh where has the time gone...?" then the hardest sorrow time would bring swift and without mercy  in September of 1996 it would bring death  so severe and heart wrenching as my 2 Rotties Megan at 12 years and her son  Stony  at 8 years old would die 12 days apart.. it took my dad almost without warning in August 20 of 1998, then my brother Ernie in January 16 2000 ( ironic it was on my mother's birthday ). it has taken and seperated me & my son who still has not returned , more heartache is mine as I silently suffer ; by the year 2005 my beloved Rottie Mejara would time steal away from me in one day, then time would grant me sorrow , guilt and a wrenching heartache of loosing her, only at one point time seemed to stand still... then in Nov. 2007, death would once again in a moment of time steal my last Rottie from me... my beloved Montana would also be taken in a matter of time...sorrow of heart makes time slow down...and lengthens the agony of heartache. how fleeting time can be... it seems to only stand still in a moment of crisis or when held like a glass bubble called memories.I have alot of memories...some funny, some sad, some bad, some that bring a smile to my face, or cause me to burst out with laughter , some that can break my heart all over again. yet I wouldn't trade one memory for gold or to ease the pain, for those memories mark my days and time here on this earth with those whom I have loved, cherished, or learned from. Time comes to give ..." seize the moment for tomorrow may be to late". it comes to give us memories to keep us in hope and some comfort for the time it will come to take away and bring to an end a precious moment., even the Bible speaks of time in Ecclsiastes chapter 3 : 1-8. time brings events and allows them to happen in our lives whether good or sorrowful, a purpose for events to makes us grow, to makes us humble,to give us a second chance, but I think mostly to make us thankful. for life is too short...I have lost so many dear to my heart, and yes my beloved dogs count( all seven of them.), but my family ,I realize is much smaller than when I first remember. time has come through death and taken my loved ones and now as I stand on the thresh hold of a new time, I miss what I once had.... a family and the faithful companions in four footed family members as well. yes it makes me sad... as 2008 comes to a close , I reflect on times past, and give God thanks for the love, joys, and memories that time has left to me, and look ahead wondering what will time bring to me in the new year to come in 2009...one thing of comfort -God is ever Present in every day and event and time. I can face each day with hope knowing I am not alone. God said " behold I am with you always even to the end of ..."time, world, age.." Matthew 28:20".

My mother went home to be with God her Creator and Saviour Jesus  , October 27, 2008 on a Monday evening. She is a great mother , a woman of faith, love and laughter. I have written a poem to honour her and share the evening she went home. I hope you all who read it will get a blessing , a joy, an uplift to your soul, or perhaps find Jesus who blessed me with such a mother and His peace- for the sorrow of her departure couldn't shatter the Peace God gave me. Of cource I miss her- I am human..but oh one day , one fine day , that Day will come when at last we meet again face to face.....

The Lord God walking in the cool of the day…Genesis 3:8

      God Came Walking

In the cool of the day, God was heard
He came walking as the gentle shepherd
And as He  was walking , He was calling your name..
In His still small voice , He whispers " Katie... Katie...
Then he stopped ,and bending low  stood by your frail frame
Yeah He came to you in the evening light
When all is quite and the time is right…
your breath was softly and quickly fading , as He took you by the hand
And thus He spoke “ Katie, come with me to Beulah's  Land”
“ your race is finished and you have won..
the greatest prize my child…heaven and my Son “
And so He took  you silently  from your sleep
to soon the dawn would  gently come and it would be our time to weep
Our loss would become heavens gain
But a Mother’s love never dies…it will always remain
Kept safely , still beating , forever to stand
Living and breathing  in Beulah’s Land
And as I  walked , I look to the clouds so fair
I felt you , Mother watching me from there
As the soft wind blew  and kissed my face
I knew at last you had finished your race
And as you went to walk with Him,
I felt His love, His Peace, His grace
you were safely home  at last..
as you bowed to Him then kissed His face
Your faith has now been turned to sight
Forever now to dwell in  His Eternal Light.

Written by CAKhomelodge
Dedicated to Mother.. October 27, 2008 Monday @ 8:55pm
Nov 29, 2008 ( day written)
2 Timothey 4:6
Hebrews 12: 1
Psalms 2:12
Luke 7:45

When one kisses the King, the Master, or the Lord is it is a sign of obedience, homage, respect, loyality, and a recongnition that He is the Lord and you His loving servant. It is a custom and an honourable greeting to your host.

Fare thee well my Mother... soon our mourning will be turned  into dancing; He will give beauty for ashes ; life for death;sorrow endureth for a night but joy cometh in the morning... I look forward to our meeting mom. till then ....

 I read this as it was sent to me and thought it very true and educating - a lesson needed by humans from a dog's point of view. please read it  with your heart.

Letter from a Dog – “How Could You?” By: Jim Willis

  When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask, "How could you?" -- but then you'd relent and roll me over for a belly rub.

My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect.

  We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.
Gradually, you began spending more time20at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love.

She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" -- still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy. Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate.

Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love.." As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch -- because your touch was now so infrequent -- and I would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.

There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf. Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family.

I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said, "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. T hey understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar, as he screamed, "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life.

You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked, "How could you?"

They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allo w. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream... or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited.

I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured, "How could you?"

Perhaps because she understood my dog speak, she said, "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself -- a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her.

It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.


A Note from the Author:

If "How Could You?" brought tears to your eyes as You read it, as it did to mine as I wrote it, it is because it is the composite story of the millions of formerly "owned" pets who die each year in American & Canadian animal shelters.
 

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oh I am in love for the first time!
               

well I didn't write this ...but I believe in it. I love animals and do all I can to help them to have a better life here with us on this planet.  I write many letters to my Congresswoman, and my Senator on the behalf of animlas to end their abuses by passing laws to protect them. So, all you who have pets, or visit a zoo, or see your neighbors pet or live stock being neglected, or abused, or in need of shade, a drink of water, or medical help, do a kind act on their behalf, help them...perhaps reading this " animal plea" will give you quidence to offer your assistance and care. Animals are truly a gift from our Creator to be companions and friends to us- they were never created to be our food and menu items ( Genensis 1:29-30). So open up your heart and read and keep this animal plea in your concience and hearts, thank you.

Remember that they can't do a lot of things for themselves and that
they depend on you to make their life a quality life!
> >
> >
> >
> > A PET'S TEN COMMANDMENTS. ........
> >
> > 1. My life is likely to last 10-15 years. Any separation from
you is likely to be painful.
> >
> >
> > 2. Give me time to understand what you want of me.
> >
> >
> > 3. Place your trust in me. It is crucial for my well-being.
> >
> >
> > 4. Don't be angry with me for long and don't lock me up as
punishment. You have your work, your friends, your entertainment,
but I have only you.
> >
> >
> > 5. Talk to me. Even if I don't understand your words, I do
understand your voice when speaking to me.
> >
> >
> > 6. Be aware that however you treat me, I will never forget it.
> >
> >
> > 7. Before you hit me, before you strike me, remember that I could
hurt you, and yet, I choosenot to bite you.
> >
> > 8. Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative, ask
yourself if
> >
> > something might be bothering me. Perhaps I'm not getting the
right food, I have been in the sun too long, or my heart might be
getting old or weak.
> >
> > 9. Please take care of me when I grow old. You too, will grow
old.
> >
> > 10. On the ultimate difficult journey, go with me pl ease. Never
say you can't bear to watch.
> >
> > Don't make me face this alone. Everything is easier for me if
you are there, because I love you so.
> >
> >
> >
> > ~Take a moment today to thank God for your pets. Enjoy and take
good care of them.
> >
> > Life would be a much duller, less joyful experience without
God's critters
> >
> > ~Now please pass this on to other pet owners. We do not have to
wait for Heaven, to be surrounded by hope, love, and joyfulness. It
is here on earth and has four legs!

LIFE  AFTER DEATH:  
"DO  YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER DEATH?" THE BOSS ASKED ONE OF HIS  EMPLOYEES
"YES, SIR," THE NEW EMPLOYEE REPLIED.
"WELL, THEN,  THAT MAKES EVERYTHING JUST FINE," THE BOSS WENT ON. "AFTER YOU LEFT  EARLY YESTERDAY TO GO TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S  FUNERAL,  SHE  STOPPED IN TO SEE YOU!  
PALM  SUNDAY:   IT  WAS PALM SUNDAY AND, BECAUSE OF A SORE THROAT, FIVE-YEAR-OLD JOHNNY  STAYED HOME FROM CHURCH WITH A SITTER.  WHEN THE FAMILY  RETURNED HOME, THEY WERE CARRYING SEVERAL PALM BRANCHES.  THE  BOY ASKED WHAT THEY WERE FOR. "PEOPLE HELD THEM OVER JESUS' HEAD AS  HE WALKED BY."
"WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT," THE BOY FUMED, "THE ONE  SUNDAY I DON'T GO, HE SHOWS UP!"  
CHILDREN'S  SERMON:   ONE  EASTER SUNDAY MORNING AS THE MINISTER WAS PREACHING THE CHILDREN'S  SERMON, HE REACHED INTO HIS BAG OF PROPS AND PULLED OUT AN EGG. HE  POINTED AT THE EGG AND ASKED THE CHILDREN, "WHAT'S IN HERE?" "I  KNOW!" A LITTLE BOY EXCLAIMED. "PANTYHOSE!! "  
 
SUPPORT  A FAMILY:   THE  PROSPECTIVE FATHER-IN-LAW ASKED, "YOUNG MAN, CAN YOU SUPPORT A  FAMILY?"
THE SURPRISED GROOM-TO-BE REPLIED, "WELL, NO. I WAS  JUST PLANNING TO SUPPORT YOUR DAUGHTER. THE REST OF YOU WILL HAVE TO  FEND FOR YOURSELVES."
 
FIRST  TIME USHERS! :   A  LITTLE BOY IN CHURCH FOR THE FIRST TIME WATCHED AS THE USHERS PASSED  AROUND THE OFFERING PLATES.
WHEN THEY CAME NEAR HIS PEW, THE BOY  SAID LOUDLY, "DON'T PAY FOR ME DADDY  I'M UNDER FIVE."  
 
PRAYERS:  
THE  SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER ASKED, "NOW, JOHNNY, TELL ME, DO YOU SAY  PRAYERS BEFORE EATING?"  "NO  SIR," HE REPLIED, "WE DON'T HAVE TO, MY MOM IS A GOOD  COOK!"  
CLIMB  THE WALLS:   "OH,  I SURE AM HAPPY TO SEE YOU," THE LITTLE BOY SAID TO HIS GRANDMOTHER  ON HIS MOTHER'S SIDE. "NOW MAYBE DADDY WILL DO THE TRICK HE HAS BEEN  PROMISING US."
THE GRANDMOTHER WAS CURIOUS. "WHAT TRICK IS  THAT?" SHE ASKED.
"I HEARD HIM TELL MOMMY THAT HE WOULD CLIMB  THE WALLS IF YOU CAME TO VISIT," THE LITTLE BOY ANSWERED.  
 
THE MOOD RING:  
MY  HUSBAND BOUGHT ME A MOOD  RING THE OTHER DAY. WHEN I'M IN A GOOD MOOD IT TURNS  GREEN. WHEN I'M IN A BAD MOOD,  IT  LEAVES A RED MARK ON HIS FOREHEAD   .  
THE  WATER PISTOL:   WHEN  MY THREE-YEAR-OLD SON OPENED THE BIRTHDAY GIFT FROM H IS  GRANDMOTHER, HE DISCOVERED A WATER PISTOL.. HE SQUEALED WITH DELIGHT  AND HEADED FOR THE NEAREST SINK.
I WAS NOT SO PLEASED. I TURNED  TO MOM AND SAID, "I'M SURPRISED AT YOU. DON'T YOU REMEMBER HOW WE  USED TO DRIVE YOU CRAZY WITH WATER GUNS?"
MOM SMILED AND THEN  REPLIED.....   "YES,  I DO REMEMBER !!"  
A new teacher was trying to make use of her  psychology  courses.  She started her class by saying, "Everyone  who  thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After  a few seconds, Little Davie  stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little  Davie  ?"  
"No,  ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by  yourself!"  

Little  Davie  watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.  
"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself  beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with  a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little  Davie  . "Giving up?"    
         
GRANDMA'S  AGE:  
LITTLE  JOHNNY ASKED HIS GRANDMA HOW OLD SHE WAS.
GRANDMA ANSWERED, "39  AND HOLDING."
  JOHNNY THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT, AND THEN SAID, "AND  HOW OLD WOULD YOU BE IF YOU LET  GO?

This is a really good (although lengthy) one to remember when you're
having
one of THOSE days!
For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just

need to take it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on

someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know!!!

Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone

call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered

nicely saying, "Hello?"

I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to
Robin
Carter?"


Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe

that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number

and called her. I had transposed the last two digits accidentally.

After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying

there on my desk. I decided to call it again.

When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a

jackass!" and hung up.

Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in

my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had

a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a

jackass!" It would always cheer me up.

Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was

a real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jackass!

Then one day I had an idea I dialed his number, then heard his

voice, "Hello."--I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of

the telephone company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar
with
our

new caller ID program?" He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jackass!"

The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you

how if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something

about it. Just dial 823-4863. [Keep reading, it gets better.]

This old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of a

parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her
car

began to move and she very slowly back out of the slot. I even backed
up

a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought,
she's finally leaving.

All of a sudden this black Camaro came flying up the parking isle from
the
wrong

direction and pulls into My space. I started honking my horn and
yelling,
"You can't

just do that, Buddy. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his
Camaro
and

completely ignored me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even
hear a
sound.

I thought to myself, now, this guy's a real jackass But this is where
the
fun begins.

Just then, I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the

back window of his car. I wrote down the phone number. Then I hunted
for

another place to park. A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at
my
desk. I had

just gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're

jackass!" (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on
that
speed dial thing.)

when I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying
there
looking at me

straight in the face. Well, I thought I'd better call this guy, too.
After a
couple rings someone

answered the phone and said, "Hello." I said, "Is this the man with the
black Camaro for sale?"

"Yes, it is." "Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at
1802
West 34th street. It's a

yellow house and the car's parked right out front." I said, "What's
your
name?"

"My name is Don Hansen." he replied. "When's a good time to catch you,
Don?"

"I'm home in the evenings."

"Listen Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes, "Don, you're a jackass!"
And I
slammed the phone down.

After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer.

For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now whenever I had
a
problem, I had two

BLEEP to call. Then, after several months of calling them, it just
wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. Hang on, hang on! I gave the
problem
some serious thought and came up with a solution: And this is

where the real fun began. First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man
answered nicely saying, "Hello."

I yelled "You're a jackass!", but I didn't hang up. The jackass said,
"Are
you still there?" I said, "Yeah."

He said, "Stop calling me." I said, "No." He said, "What's your name,
Pal?"
I said, "Don Hansen."

He said "Where do you live?" "1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow
house and
my black

Camaro's parked out front." "I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd
better
start saying your

prayers." "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up.


Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello." I said, "Hello,
Jackass!" He
said, "If I ever

find out who you are..." "You'll what?" "I'll kick your butt." "Well,
here's
your chance, I said.

I'm coming over right now Jackass!" And hung up. Then I picked up the
phone
and called the police.

I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill
my
gay lover as soon as he got home.


Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down on
West
34th Street didn't hurt.

After that I climbed into my car and headed over to watch the whole
thing.
You talk about Glorious!

Watching two BLEEP kicking the crap out of each other in front of 6
squad cars, a police helicopter

and a live on-the scene news crew was one of the greatest experiences
of my
life!


Name withheld to protect the guilty.

Subject:  Are you Martha or Maxine?

 

*Martha's Way*
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

*Maxine's Way *
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!

To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix, keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you.

If you accidentally oversalt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant 'fix-me-up.'

If you oversalt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: 'I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!'

Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

Celery? Never heard of it!

Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.

Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!

If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Leftover wine???????????
HELLO !!!!!!!

 

As usual, if you don't forward this to 1 of your friends within the next 5 minutes, your belly button will unscrew and your butt will fall off. Really... it's true! 

When Grandma Goes To Court Humor; Posted on: 2008-01-17 20:06:02 [ Print / Instant Flyer | Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
  In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a 
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 
  'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair

Anesthesiologist business card:

When you care enough to sleep with the very best.

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Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:

'Dr. Jones, at your cervix.'

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In a Podiatrist's office:

'Time wounds all heels.'

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On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

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At a Proctologist's door:

'To expedite your visit please back in.'

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On a Plumber's truck:

'We repair what your husband fixed.'

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On another Plumber's truck:

'Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber..'

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At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :

'Invite us to your next blowout.'

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At a Towing company:

'We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.'

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On an Electrician's truck:

'Let us remove your shorts.'

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In a Nonsmoking Area:

'If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.'

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On a Maternity Room door:

'Push. Push. Push.'

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At an Optometrist's Office:

'If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.'

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On a Taxidermist's window:

'We really know our stuff.'

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On a Fence:

'Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!'

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At a Car Dealership:

'The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.'

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Outside a Muffler Shop:

'No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.'

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In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

'Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!'

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At the Electric Company

'We would be delighted if you send in your payment.

However, if you don't, you will be.'

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In a Restaurant window:

'Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up.'

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In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

'Drive carefully. We'll wait.'

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At a Propane Filling Station:

'Thank heaven for little grills.'

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Chicago Radiator Shop:

'Best place in town to take a leak

My first best friend, was and is still faithful and true throughout my nearly 55 years of life.  She is none other than my mother. Of cource the Truest best Friend can be no other than my God , Creator and Lord Jesus. Yet God and Mother are so uniquely the same. for they love me inspite of my sins and failures, short comings, stupid mistakes & choices I've made even when they warned me of the consequences. And yet they continued to love me and be there for me. So I  think the two best examples, in my life and opinion  on how to be a friend to others is God  and mother. They are true and stedfast in my life. So from them i've learned to  desire what kind of friend I want to be and what kind of friends I want in my life. One thing I have learned is people-friends come & go, sometimes this is a natural order of things. mother stays a friend to the death, then I'll catch up with her later on down the road, but God is a friend that is constant, never ending. there are alot of verses in the Bible about frienship...such as : Proverbs 17:17, Pro.18:24, Pro. 27:6, pro 27;9, 17, and then when God called Abraham, he obeyed  God and God called him " friend".

but with this said, here is some reasons why ' friends come & go' in & out of our lives.

 people come into your life or a REASON, a Season, or a Life Time. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have. they have come to assist you through a difficult time , to provide you with guidence, support. to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. they are quite frankly a ' godsend". they are there for the reason you need them to be. then without any wrong doing on your part or theirs  the relationship slowly evapourates. the job of that frienship has done its work. At other times a friend / friendship dies, or just walks away. At other times a circumstance may arise that cause a two part descision that may cause each of you to take a seperate stand on an issue, and the friendship may go in to two different directions, whether it ends or just is re -routed. What we must realize is  the duration of that frienship your needs were met, desires fulfilled, prayers answered according to the needs. It is time to move on , perhaps to share with someone else who needs to have your friendship and what you have learned. Groweth is sometimes painful as is change. Some people come into your life for only a season, so you may  share,  learn & grow. they bring into your life a new experience, they may bring an anwer to your prayer, or just to make you laugh. Some are brought / sent into your life to teach you something, how to do a job for instance, how to find salvation,  how to draw nigh to God, or just to bring you some joy, even if they are there for only a Season. Lifetime frienships teach you life time lessons  so as to  be able to pass them on to others you will be friends to. Love the friends in your life, pass on what you have learned and enrich the lives of those who you count as ' friend'.  i want to be the kind of friend to others  as I would want them to be to me. love them, laugh with them, cry with them( happy tears, or broken heart -tears). I want to be there for them when they need a friend, and sometimes that may not  be possiable , but maybe it can't be in the flesh but in the spirit  of love, concern and prayers, or sharing a laugh, a movie, a meal, or a phone call, and yes even an e-mail. So from my heart to yours I am a friend to the end, whether it be for a reason, a season, or a life time here on this earth, but for sure forever a friend in God's eternal kingdom. My greatest hope when being a friend to someone, is  that I have enriched their life for the better good, happiness, emotional stability and spiritual groweth. That I have added something of value  to them that will be with them  and make a difference for the welfare of that friend.

To a couple who show openly  & to each other their love, respect, wit, humor, and pride for each other. your compatiability shows with warmth and laughter. When in this day and time couples drift apart , your their for each other to defend, uphold, and care for each other. So( drumb roll please) to honour our Blog Couple of the Sweet Heart Month( drumb roll ) as a token for your birthdays, Feb. 14, & 20th, with the added bonus of Valentine's day, and for the naming of your farm...I present to you your award........( let the band thunder,please)... it's obvious you 2 belong together. happy, happy, joy, joy.

Spread the Stupidity  Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America ......do people order
double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America ......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America ......do we leave cars
worth thousands of dollars in the
driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America ......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America ......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Only in America ......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER ....

Why the sun lightens our hair,
but darkens our skin ?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when
they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe,
why do they call the airport the terminal?

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.

Last night, my Red Hat friends and I went to a
Ladies Night Club.
One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill.
When the male dancer came over to us,
my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!

Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill.She called the guy back , licks the $20 bill,
and sticks it to his other butt cheek.

In another attempt to impress the rest of us,my third friend
pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over,
and licks the $50 bill.
I'm worried about the way things are going,
but fortunately,
she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again.