AngelBluz_40's Blog

Dear Staff,



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It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see
you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing
well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you
need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and
therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where
you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.



PERSONAL DAYS:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday
and Sunday.



LUNCH BREAKS:

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can
look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal
to maintain their average size.

Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink
a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.



SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are
able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.



RESTROOM USE:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3
minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound,
the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will
be taken.

After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin
board under the "Chronic Offender" category.



SURGERY:

As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not
consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed will
constitute a breach of employment.



Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive
employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,
contemplation, and input should be directed elsewhere.



Have a nice week.

I hope that everyone has a safe and happy long weekend !

Anyone with plans?

This was written by a black gentleman in Texas and is so funny. What a great >sense of humor and creativity!!! > > >When I born, I black, >when I grow up, I black , >when I go in sun, I black, >when I cold, I black, >when I scared, I black, >when I sick, I black , >and when I die, I still black. > >You white folks.... >when you born, you pink, >when you grow up, you white, >when you go in sun, you red, >when you cold, you blue , >when you scared, you yellow, >when you sick, you green, >when you bruised, you purple, >and when you die, you gray. >So who you callin' colored folks ???

Close your eyes...And go back...
....Before the Internet or PC or the MAC......
....Before semi-automatics and crack....
....Before Playstation, SEGA, Super Nintendo, even before Atari...
...Before cell phones, CD's, DVD's, voicemail and e-mail....
....way back....
....way.....way.....way back.....
I'm talkin' bout hide and seek at dusk
Red light, Green light
Red Rover....Red Rover.....
Playing kickball & dodge ball until the first...no...second...no...third
Streetlight came on
Ring around the Rosie
London Bridge
Hot potato
Hop Scotch
Jump rope
Duck....duck....GOOSE!!!
YOU'RE IT!!

Parents stood on the front porch and yelled (or whistled) for you to come home - no pagers or cell phones

Mother May I?
Hula Hoops
Seeing shapes in the clouds
Endless summer days and hot summer nights (no A/C) with the windows open
The sound of crickets
Running through the sprinkler
Cereal boxes with that GREAT prize in the bottom
Cracker jacks with the same thing
Ice pops with 2 sticks you could break and share with a friend

...but wait.....there's more....

Watchin' Saturday Morning cartoons
Fat Albert, Road Runner, Tom & Jerry, Heckle & Jeckle, Pink Panther, Richochet Rabbit, Schoolhouse Rock
Watchin' Sunday morning oldies (Abbott & Costello, Three Stooges, Tarzan, Shirley Temple !!)
Wonder Woman & Super Man Underoos
Catchin' lightning bugs in a jar
Your first day of school
Bedtime Prayers and Goodnight Kisses
Climbing trees
Swinging as high as you could to try and reach the sky
Getting an Ice Cream off the Good Humor Truck
A million mosquito bites and sticky fingers
Jumpin' down the steps
Jumpin' on the bed
Pillow fights
Sleep-overs
A 13" black and white TV in your room meant you were RICH
Runnin' till you were out of breath
Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt
Being tired from PLAYING
WORK: meant taking out the garbage or doing the dishes
Your first crush
Your first kiss (the one that you kept your mouth CLOSED and your eyes OPEN
Rainy days at school meant playing "Heads up 7UP" or hangman" in the classroom, remember that?

Oh, I'm not finished yet....

Kool-Aid was the drink of the summer
So was a swig from the hose
Giving your friends a ride on your handlebars
Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school
Class Field Trips with soggy sandwiches
When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there
When a quarter seemed like a fair allowance; and another quarter a MIRACLE
When ANY parent could discipline ANY kid, or feed him, or use him to carry groceries...And nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.
When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited you at home.
Basically, we were in fear for our lives but it wasn't because of drive by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc.
Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! And some of us are still afraid of em!

Didn't that feel good? Just to go back and say, "Yeah, I remember that!"
Well, let's keep going!!
Let's go back to the time when...
Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo"
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!"
"Race issues" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.
Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "monopoly"
Catching fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening
It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends.
Being old, referred to anyone over 20.
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.
Nobody was prettier than Mom

Scrapes and bruises were kissed by mom or grandma and made better
It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at the amusement park.
Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.
Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare"
Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.
Water balloons were the ultimate, ultimate weapon.
Older siblings were your worst tormentors, but also your fiercest protector

If you can remember most or all of these, then you have LIVED!!!
Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their "grown up" life......I TRIPLE DOG DARE YA!!!!!!

Before I was a Mom
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.   Before I was a Mom-I had never been: Puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.   Before I was a Mom
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.   Before I was a Mom
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to
put them down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I
couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.   Before I was a Mom -
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so
important and happy.   Before I was a Mom -
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.   I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.