MyFoxCleveland

Dear Staff,

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It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see
you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing
well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you
need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and
therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where
you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

PERSONAL DAYS:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday
and Sunday.

LUNCH BREAKS:

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can
look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal
to maintain their average size.

Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink
a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are
able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

RESTROOM USE:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3
minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound,
the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will
be taken.

After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin
board under the "Chronic Offender" category.

SURGERY:

As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not
consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed will
constitute a breach of employment.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive
employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,
contemplation, and input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week.

AngelBluz_40's Blog

Notice to Employees...funny

AngelBluz_40

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